The Fear Channel

The Fear Channel

Proposed Programing for "Fear Channel."

In an effort to cut costs in a sagging advertising market and best take advantage of the current social climate in time for the November sweeps ?rating? period, the major television networks have decided to combine their resources to create a new 24-hour cable news channel. ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox, and CNN have come together to construct the ?Fear Channel,? which promises to provide viewers with instant access to the latest news relating to the war on terrorism.

The following is a sample day of programming for the ?Fear Channel,? which, appropriately, plans to begin broadcasting just after Halloween.

5:00am-9:00am? ?You Might Die Today.? Wake up each morning with news that will make you wonder how you and your family ever made it through yesterday and will prepare you for all the many potential pitfalls of today. Learn about all the new dangers that experts are imagining before your neighbors do! You?ll never again drink that coffee or eat that pastry without wondering what peril lies inside them!

And it only gets better from there. Great satire!